Disabled But Loved By God

Easter Baptism

Disabled But Loved By God

Mr. Suthaharan Subramaniam

I am Haran. I was born disabled. The doctors told my parents that I was clinically diagnosed with mild cerebral palsy. The doctors went on to say that I might not be able to walk, talk or use my hands. My brain function could be a bit slow. Besides all these, there was another problem - I had poor vision in my left eye. My mother tried very hard to care for me.

When I started going to school, I faced many difficulties. Many people in school made fun of me and sometimes they would bully me. Even then I tried to be nice to them but time and again they would still bully me. I had very few friends who cared for me. I tried mixing around but few accepted my friendship.

The principals and teachers put in much effort to help me study and to cope with my studies. However, despite all the help, I still did not do very well in some subjects in school. However, I never gave up. I persevered, hoping to do well.

In my primary and secondary school, I fought with two people because I could not take their bullying anymore. At this point of time I still did not know the LORD Jesus Christ yet.

One day I was feeling very depressed in Secondary 4. I cried out in pain and agony because I felt so helpless and useless like there was no one I could turn to for comfort. When suddenly I heard my heart calling out to GOD for help. I searched and searched, but I could not find HIM. My mother came to my aid, asking me whether I would like to come to church. I told my mother to give me some time. However she did not give up telling me about Jesus Christ and how He loved me.

This was the beginning of my knowledge of this Wonderful Counselor, Mighty GOD, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6). What I had was head knowledge about this Saviour. One day, I finally told my mom that I wanted to attend the church and see it for myself.

I woke up early as usual but this was a day I will never forget. It was 1st October 2000-a Sunday. I asked my sister how to get to Bethany Independent-Presbyterian Church. I attended my first 10.30am worship service.

To many children around the world, that day was special because it was Children's Day. For me, it was a day when my whole perspective regarding how we should all worship GOD and regard HIS House changed. The theme was “GOD's House” and my heart was moved as the pastor preached the Word of GOD.

The young people were preparing for Youth Conference 2000 at that time. The theme was "Walk Worthy". Many young people signed up to come to the conference to learn many deep and wonderful lessons. I asked my mom if I could go for the conference so that I may learn more about what it means to walk worthy.

I tried everyday during and after the conference to walk worthy. It was not easy when I started off. It was very tough so I asked GOD to help me to walk worthy. I kept in touch with my newfound friends in church and those who came to hear the Word of GOD preached. We e-mailed one another.

Pastor Charlie wrote a daily devotional titled "But We See Jesus" based on the Book of Luke in the Bible and that helped me grow in the knowledge and understanding of the way Jesus Christ works in our daily lives, helping us to cope with daily struggles. As I read the life of Jesus my Savior daily, I tried to follow HIM.

Jesus my LORD and Savior had to go through so much pain and suffering HIMSELF and I see the way HE dealt with all of this. HE turned to HIS FATHER in prayer every time HE needed guidance. What a wonderful thing to learn: how to turn to GOD as our Heavenly FATHER and asking HIM to guide us whenever we have problems that are too difficult for us to solve.

I was looking for a job that I could do. Given the bad economic situation, it was very hard for me to get a job. It was tougher considering my physical condition. People who are not disabled may be able to find a job within 1-6 months time, and they would find a job that they like or something they could do. For me, because of my disability I could not find the jobs that other people could do. I was recommended to BIZ Link by Salvation Army Peace Haven.

BIZ Link is a place where they train people who are retrenched or disabled so that they will be able to enter the workforce. I was asked to work in the workshop so that they could observe me working.

There were two people in the workshop. One of them is about my age. He bullied me and even tried to molest me. I resisted him. The other, an older person, about 30-35 years old, took a newspaper and pushed it against my face during one of the two days of my training. I was wondering why such people came to BIZ Link.. I must say it is a very wicked world out there. They came to the conclusion that I cannot do any job. So they decided to let me work in a disabled home. I went to the place and the person-in-charge told me that I might not get paid every month. I felt depressed again.

The people in Bethany cared enough to spend time to teach me, preparing me for my exams, encouraging me to carry on and helping me to grow in my faith. I am getting baptized for what I stand for and what I believe in till the end of my days on this earth and when the LORD calls me to my heavenly home. In tears, I asked Jesus to show me a way and this time HE led me to do volunteer work at Peace Haven. Now, I am happy helping at the laundry department. With all these now behind me, knowing that I can trust in HIM with all things, I am glad Jesus my LORD and Savior is accepting me into HIS kingdom the way I am.